ANOTHER DAY OF dealing with copiers lease services in Phoenix and your shift finally ends. After what felt like forever, you sigh.
You begin to think if keeping up with this routine is even worth it. Somehow, you want things to change, but don’t know how to change them or don’t know how to start.
Not this again, you think. This cyclic train of thought that leads to you just being more lost and confused than you were before it began. Will you ever have the chance to go back just in case things don’t work out? Will you ever have the nerve to finally go after what you want? It’s always a tug-of-war between these two questions.
You buy a packet of cigarettes from a local store near your home. You promised yourself years ago you would never smoke, and yet here you are. Oh well, you think. Things were so much different back then; your old self will never understand.
You then head to your place of solace: the roof. You’re not sure why, but looking over the retiring village as the sun begins to sink calms you down. It’s as if it’s telling you that it’s okay to let your mind drift now.
And that’s exactly what you do.
Watching the smoke float above your head, you also have this set of songs to help you through this cyclic existential crisis you have. Calming, romantic songs somehow help remind you of good things in the world, like love, despite other things. Watching the smoke, listening to your tunes, despite the turmoil inside of you, you hope everything remains fine tomorrow for another day of handling copiers leasing.
You Already Know (feat. Kathryn Williams) by Bombay Bicycle Club
You said love was painted gold
Like all things growing old
The paint peels and slowly falls
You already know
You already know
You already know
Mystery of Love by Sufjan Stevens
Lord, I no longer believe
Drowned in living waters
Cursed by the love that I received
From my brother’s daughter
Like Hephaestion, who died
Alexander’s lover
Now my riverbed has dried
Shall I find no other?
Fire Escape by Foster the People
I like to stick to walls
Deserving conversations and lifting them when they fall
I am a fire escape, my spine’s made of iron
My heart pumps that old red paint
Save yourself, save yourself, yourself
Save yourself, save yourself
This is Home by Cavetown
Turn off your porcelain face, I can’t really think right now and this place
Has too many colors enough to drive all of us insane
Are you dead? Sometimes I think I’m dead
Cause I can feel ghosts and ghouls wrapping my head
But I don’t wanna fall asleep just yet
Spaceland by Chloe Moriondo
Sometimes overthinking can feel like more than overthinking It’s like I’m trapped in Spaceland and I’m not coming back
Sometimes when I’m floating it feels like my head’s overflowing And it’s not too difficult to detach, but it’s hard to come back I’m losing touch, I’m not enough I’m losing touch, I’m not enough for them
